| (no subject) |
[Mar. 26th, 2012|04:30 pm] |
|
I think I'm going to switch over to a blog and leave LJ behind. Not now, but soon. I don't like their new format of only showing posts from the last two weeks. It makes this space feel ghostly. The new blog will document the Next Phase of my life - when I am no longer a student. |
|
|
| stress dreams |
[Feb. 24th, 2012|02:56 pm] |
|
I mentioned earlier that I am a planner. So not knowing what I'm going to be doing in the next few months is particularly challenging to me. Next week I have an on campus interview. Mostly, I feel comfortable and excited about it, but last night I had a series of stress dreams that indicate otherwise. In the dreams, I was too hungry, too hot, too cold, too bloated. I was sweating profusely, so much so that my white button up shirt became soaked. Then, the armpits of my blazer turned dark from sweat. Even the crotch, waist, and knees of my pants became wet with sweat. There was no way to dry off, and I walked around all day in wet clothes. Sometimes I had too much time to kill. Other times, I was running late, racing down the halls. There was a good deal of physical trembling on my part. In the dream, I needed yoga in the hotel, but didn't have a mat. And, in real life I know I won't have a mat because it won't fit in my carry on luggage. So, yeah. |
|
|
| disposal |
[Feb. 19th, 2012|09:51 pm] |
We lost a ewe today. One of my big life goals is to run a sheep farm someday. That might be in the next year. That might be in 20 years. Maybe it will be a sheep dairy! That said, one of the worries I have about raising livestock is that 1) animals die, and 2) sometimes you have to kill them to put them out of their misery. Since we lost a ewe today, it was on my mind. I began to research how to dispose of livestock. This is gory reading, let me tell you. Still, it seemed...manageable. Burial seems like the best option, but most livestock die during the winter, when the ground is frozen. Composting seems like the next best option. But, you would definitely have to be set up for it beforehand. And there's the work of turning it and dealing with it for what? A year? Getting the animal to the burial or compost spot would be just horrifying work any way you look at it.
The take away is that if I'm going to have sheep, I should probably try to raise a small breed of sheep, one that I could handle physically if I had to. The sheep I'm used are on the big end, weighing nearly 300 pounds.
I wish there was an easier way. More than anything, I wish this wasn't one of the things I'll have to deal with. |
|
|
| the fog |
[Feb. 12th, 2012|11:52 am] |
|
Despite cough and fever, I interviewed well enough for an on campus interview at one of the few places where I can actually see myself working. Last night, the cold moved from my lungs to my sinuses. My head is still in a fog. I was up on and off last night and slept until late this morning. After a week of excitedly "seeing" myself at this new place, last night I had doubts. What if I can't find the right place to live? The thing about this city is that it is somewhat illusory. It is friendly to walkers, but each block stretches on for a quarter mile. What seems only a few blocks away, is, in reality, miles. The cultural pressures there are strange, there's no getting around that. The urban sprawl is a nightmare. I cannot end up in it. So, while the week before was about hope and possibility, last night was about worry and pessimism. I will undoubtedly go through a lot more of this back and forth before I actually get a job and move to where ever it is that I'm going to go next. Once this cold improves, I'll have a better frame of mind about everything. |
|
|
| chores |
[Jan. 28th, 2012|10:30 am] |
|
This morning I woke up early. I cracked the flue on the fire, realizing that I'd accidentally smoked out the house last night. Again. I opened up my doors to air it out and then went to greet the pets next door (I'm caring for them for the weekend). I kept the cats at bay with my boot, while filling their ceramic food bowls and freshening their water. The dog and I went outside to check on the chickens. I removed some plastic that I didn't want them trying to peck at and cracked the ice and filled their water bowl. We watched them drink, throwing their heads back to swallow and then went up to the park, where I unsuccessfully tried to throw the ball with the adaladal. My elbow is too sore from falling on the ice. It hurts to throw. We went home, and I fed the dog and then came back over to my place. After that I watched a video on the internet of a fat guy running to get in shape for a marathon to earn money for his dying niece. I cried hard from start to finish. |
|
|
| this time |
[Jan. 12th, 2012|01:40 pm] |
This time feels very much like four years ago when I was hearing back from PhD programs. There was so much anticipation and good news that came early, so I could enjoy the process throughout January, February, and March, knowing that, no matter what happened with the other schools, I had been accepted somewhere. And that meant I was going! Leaving Utah. Leaving Bikram, and leaving the one who seemed to want to leave me anyway.
The job search process is bringing out some weird neuroses in me. For each job that is posted, I Wikipedia the school and town, and then go to google maps and search for yoga. Bikram yoga would make my dreams come true, but I'll settle for any yoga. Google maps lets me know if the location is in a tsunami zone. Tsunamis are one of my biggest fears. There is a job in Hawaii, but I didn't even apply to it. I can't live in that kind of worry. The thing is, I love the ocean. Whenever I see it, I am in awe. I always have a physical reaction to it. Also, my skin and hair love the ocean climate. It suits me. Still, I prefer a bay or inlet that is somewhat protected.
One time I heard of some people from New Mexico (the flat, barren part) who were afraid of trees and mountains. They had some fear that the trees and mountains would spontaneously fall on them. I feel that way about the ocean. I have always had an unrealistic feeling that the ocean was going to come up and get me. The first time I saw video footage of tsunamis, I thought, Yes! That's exactly how I feel! It probably doesn't help that all but one of my astrological signs are fire signs. I appreciate water as my opposite, but always have a feeling that it could put me out.
Every morning I am thrilled to check my email, looking for an invitation for an interview. I didn't so that so much in the fall. Somehow I think I knew that I was not a good match for any of the early gigs. Now though, now I feel like something is on the horizon. And it's going to be great. And the place will be great. And I will be so ready to go. |
|
|
| 2011 in Review |
[Jan. 10th, 2012|11:57 am] |
1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?
A "hook up" of sorts.
2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
To eat more raw vegetables. Yes, I think I did.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No, that was 2010.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No.
5. What countries did you visit?
Just this one.
6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
More love. Et al.
7. What date from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 2011.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Writing a draft of the diss.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Missing deadlines for the diss. Cowardice in moving.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Strained(?) knee from biking.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Dinner at Black Cypress.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My ex boo.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My ex.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Besides rent? Food.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Being in love.
16. What song will always remind you of 2011?
The War on Drugs, "Taking the Farm."
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
happier or sadder? same
thinner or fatter? fatter?
richer or poorer? same
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
I'll let you take a guess.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
The Internet.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Sadly watching things fall apart.
22. Did you fall in love in 2011?
HOh boy did I.
23. How many one-night stands?
No comment.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
Skins UK.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. A bit more confused by some, but no hate.
26. What was the best book you read?
The Summer Book by Tove Jansson
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Sleigh Bells? Was that 2011?
28. What did you want and get?
iji
29. What did you want and NOT get?
More iji
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
Bridesmaids. Which also might've been the only film I watched.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Out for dinner, I think?
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Bikram.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011?
Those ugly free t-shirts I get for teaching yoga.
34. What kept you sane?
A distracting love affair.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Kristen Wiig.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
Egypt.
37. Who did you miss?
Grandpa.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
My new yogi friends from MYC and the crew from portfolio assessment.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011:
Be less responsible.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"Well, top and bottom it's all the same to me..."
|
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 27th, 2011|04:47 pm] |
|
People always talk about how stressful the holidays are. But, in general, I love the holidays and being with my family (minus the few stresses that come with interacting with and navigating a larger group of people). This year, however, was stressful. I'm going to get in the fetal and cry for awhile. Then sleep. Then, maybe I'll have enough energy to get back to all of the work I have to do before Christmas break. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Nov. 2nd, 2011|01:43 pm] |
|
And sometimes the future is hard. |
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
| |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92){kind=small}
sherewin's journal